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In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale Movie Streaming.
Movie Title: In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is available for streaming or downloading. Click Here to Stream or Download In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale |
Once upon a time, a radiant and talented cult director made a spectacular fantasy story, bulky of savor, monsters, tale battles and salubrious kings. It became a cinematic classic.
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This is not that movie.
But that doesn’t finish Uwe Boll from inflicting another dismal video-game adaptation on the innocent viewing public, after scrabbling for high-fantasy shreds straight from the wastepaper basket of Peter Jackson. It’s not quite his worst work, but it’s collected a horrendous, vomitous, hilariously sad experience that inspires afflict, tears of laughter, and perhaps a drinking game or two.
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A farmer wittily named Farmer (Jason Statham) is living in agricultural bliss with his wife (Claire Forlani) and son. But then a bunch of krugs (low-budget orcs) attack — kid dies, wife is kidnapped. Naturally Farmer vows bloody homely revenge, and teams up with his brother-in-law and neighbor (Ron Perlman, who deserves better than this) to benefit fetch said revenge.
But of course, this is no isolated incident — the unspeakable windbag King Konreid (Burt Reynolds) and his hired wizard Merick (John Rhys-Davies) are opposing the malevolent wizard (Ray Liotta) and his great army of faceless krugs. But naturally it falls to our humble butt-kicking Farmer to somehow defeat the atrocious wizard and do the day. And yes, the climax will involve killer books.
It’s damning “In the Dane of the King: A Dungeon Siege Account” with faint praise to say that this is among Uwe Boll’s better efforts. After all, this is not only the director who showed his cinematic ability by literally pummeling his critics — this is the director who has produced some of the dreckiest, most wicked films ever to construct it into distribution (rather than direct-to-DVD) .
As a fantasy experience, “In the Name of the King” is monotonous, drab and shlocky. The settings are resplendent but overcast, the “fantasy” moments are intensely cheesy (swinging on leafy ropes!), and the fight scenes are well-choreographed but burly of wild anachronisms — including kung-fu. Seriously. Despite a relatively sizable budget, “In the Name of the King” feels like a bunch of dudes went to a Renaissance Faire and decided to stage their enjoy fantasy film. After a few beers.
Granted, none of that inherently marks it as an Uwe Boll film. That is reserved for random ninja that note up (you can hear Boll thinking, “Eff Jackson! It’s my fantasy movie, so I can have what I want — and I want NINJAS!”), humble farmers who fight like Jet Li, maudlin dramatic moments, and truly snide dialogue. When it isn’t stilted (”Those who you fight… we will succor you fight them”) it’s hilariously pompous (”Wisdom is our hammer”) .
At the same time, Boll is shamelessly aping Jackson’s “Lord of the Rings.” No, not honest the sets and makeup, although many of these are shamelessly (and less realistically) cribbed. He attempts the same sweeping cinematography and get, but inserted at random and without any kind of dramatic payoff. By the finale, we’ve also been assaulted by airy elfin sprites who desperately need a smackdown from Legolas’ long-knives.
As for the characters, you can catch them in any unfriendly half-baked “high fantasy” fresh — aging king, treacherous edifying, generous wizard, dreadful wizard, and plucky peasants. The actors appear to be painfully aware of this fact.
To do matters worse, Statham is playing the same role he’s basically played in dozens of other movies — the stone-faced man of action out to kick some butt. It feels like someone cut-and-pasted the dude from “Transporter” correct into this movie. Reynolds creakily sleepwalks through his outrageous speeches, and Liotta has apparently decided to embrace the sheer silliness and hurry with it. As for Kristanna Loken… well, she played Bloodrayne. Nuff zed about her acting ability.
The only cast members who manage to bring any kind of dignity to their roles are Perlman and Rhys-Davies. Rhys-Davies actually works quite well as a qualified extinct wizard, while Perlman brings more presence and power to the conceal than Statham does.
With that in mind, turning out a “Director’s Nick” is a runt like sprucing up the stamp of a strychnine bottle, and making a blu-ray is like using a magnifying glass on a decaying log. So of course they’re turning one out — a 162-minute director’s lop with forty five extra minutes of Boll’s work. Somehow I doubt that given the horrific quality of those first 120 minutes, that those lop minutes will improve matters — the theatrical version was already too long for its inappropriate flimsy storyline.
You can guess what kind of movie “In the Name of the King – A Dungeon Siege Account” will be unprejudiced by its title, but it dips into current levels of obnoxious cheeze that few fantasy movies have managed to. A milestone in fantasy cinema — the worst of its kind thus far.
I’m not one to stupefied away from what people call unpleasant movies, and many times bask in them. In fact they can be my favorites. So I said to myself that this couldn’t be as unpleasant they said, it will probably be fun, I like the genre a lot.
Well, I was tainted. The first 30 minutes almost fooled me, but then it got worse and worse. Uwe Boll does crazy things like cutting a dialogue scene abruptly in the middle, and then getting relieve to it like 10 minutes later, and pretending it’s a different moment in time. Oh my God. This is righteous terrible filmmaking.
I suspect the theatrical lop might be great more bearable, but this is the 162 runt Director’s slice I’m talking about.
So deem yourself warned.
The image quality on the blu-ray is helpful.
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